JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i am craving dick and cupcakes
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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