you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
