If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
