You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
