Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
