Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
