Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
