No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
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