My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
God, I missed his penis.
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