Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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