i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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