I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
