I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
