do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
