Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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