I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
