so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
