Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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