you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
