I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Jerry, you need to find god
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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