i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she smelled like a LAN party
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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