I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
