just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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