He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
