I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
