Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
