Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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