you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
