Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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