Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
