I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
