i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
