Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
