Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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