The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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