I could have mohawked her pubes.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
