she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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