He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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