alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
im six kinds of drunk right now
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
