Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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