Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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