I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
