I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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