I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
