Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
