i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
