I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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