i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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