weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
