Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
