Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
