Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
