I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
